My existence... What it means to you?...

What do I mean to you? Sometimes, I just wonder.
I hope I can find out, so that I know what I should be doing.

How much do you mean to me? For this, I just wonder.
I hope I can find out, so that I know why I am doing certain things.
Many of which I don't understand what starts me on.
Many of which no one seems to know and appreciate.

Do I still have feelings for you?
Frankly, I don't know.
I just know I ever tried to forget.
In fact, I am still trying to.
I just know I tried to avoid.
In fact, I am still running away.
I tried to dislike you. Still trying.

Whenever I thought I am doing well, you appear out of the blue.
So much determination to keep myself back on track.
Each time I manage to be clear of my stand and persist on, I feel relieved.
Each time I lose focus and sway from my stand, I feel angry with myself.
Angry, for making myself feel hope that would eventually vanish again..
Making myself fall harder each time.
Who is to be blamed, but myself?

What do I really mean to you?
Maybe something?
What I can think of is just someone to assure you.
Maybe, it's really just that.

Matters of heart, never able to be explained explicitly by words.
It's time to let go, completely.
I have to let go...