Contradiction
"... Who is this girl that I see, staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show who I am inside?..."
-Reflection from Mulan-
I do not understand what I do.
I do not understand how I think and feel.
Maybe, I just do not understand what kind of a person I am.
Who am I inside?
Many people out there have the wrong impression that I am good-natured.
In fact, I am not.
I have hatred.
I have dislikes.
I have grudges.
I have complaints.
But, I don't think I know how to express my thoughts.
Or rather, I forbid myself to do so.
Why?
Because I can control my emotions?
Because I think it is not the right way?
Because I want things to turn out pleasant?
I don't think things are as simple as this.
I have a complicated mind.
Maybe, as what I had ever heard:
"I just refuse any chance of allowing someone to have a bad impression of me..."
What a thought this is.
Trying to hide the real me behind the scene;
Putting up a show on stage.
Fake. Cunning. Unbearable.
Even more disgusting than the unpleasant person I am supposed to be.
I don't like myself.
Even if there is anyone who likes me out there, they are referring to the other me.
Not the real me.
When will my reflection show who I am inside?..."
-Reflection from Mulan-
I do not understand what I do.
I do not understand how I think and feel.
Maybe, I just do not understand what kind of a person I am.
Who am I inside?
Many people out there have the wrong impression that I am good-natured.
In fact, I am not.
I have hatred.
I have dislikes.
I have grudges.
I have complaints.
But, I don't think I know how to express my thoughts.
Or rather, I forbid myself to do so.
Why?
Because I can control my emotions?
Because I think it is not the right way?
Because I want things to turn out pleasant?
I don't think things are as simple as this.
I have a complicated mind.
Maybe, as what I had ever heard:
"I just refuse any chance of allowing someone to have a bad impression of me..."
What a thought this is.
Trying to hide the real me behind the scene;
Putting up a show on stage.
Fake. Cunning. Unbearable.
Even more disgusting than the unpleasant person I am supposed to be.
I don't like myself.
Even if there is anyone who likes me out there, they are referring to the other me.
Not the real me.
posted by Dreaming_Firefly at 3:53 PM
3 Comments:
Wow..you express pure honest thoughts very well..this one hit me in such a way as I related to it yeah we are human and we have many different feelings and they are "ok" to have but some will tell you "No they are not"!..maybe people who say that are "phonies" not comfortable with "Real" but only "fake"....there are many in the world like this so its hard to keep "being you" in this chaos..I like your blog I think I will come back and read more..good work keep it up!
Angel Blessings,
Rhiannon
Thank you so much for the response.
Your words have made me feel good about writing, really.
Never thought that anyone out there would drop by, take a look, and even continue to read on.
(^-^)Blessings to you too.
Well we all need a little encouragement it helps us to keep growing and not give up on our creativity! Plus when I read your words they made me think of things I've thought, felt or said or "questioned"...I think you have something important to say..keep going!
I finally got up the courage to post some of my original Artwork drawings tonite on my blog. I hope you might stop by and check it out sometime if you feel like it.
Angel Blessings,
Rhiannon
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